archives

loss

This tag is associated with 351 posts

Mine

Dear dear, The rain is long and the night is short and I am somewhere in between missing you and remembering you and telling myself that one should never start with rain, especially when we began with a sleek, soaked summer at a bar where the drinks were overpriced and there were far too many … Continue reading

smart

dear dear, the art of art is self-described. i’ve often grumbled this when criticism came around. people could describe anything, feel everything, and yet none of the interpretations mattered for all of them did. art was, i felt, contained in its own corpse and left to die through the living lost. i tend to still … Continue reading

corsage

the sky is made of a deep lavender and swirls of separated light and tonight i listened to the music we did, danced to the coffee and uncatena, watched as sylvan esso brought me back. i had a date with me during the debacle. it went horribly, resembling more booger than boogie. she left mad … Continue reading

chronic condition

and suddenly, you’re 32, and you don’t recognize where you are, and you have been to many places, and you think there are still more to go to, and maybe you are overcome by greed and selfishness and a home that is not your home but that has halls that are filled with all the … Continue reading

Lacking definition

Dear dear, I read once from a great philosopher that at some point, all things become predictable. I believed he predictably said that, being great and all. I predictably continued on with the book afterwards, being grated and all he was not. And now, I predictably do the same here, writing to you about what … Continue reading

beginnings

dear dear, i used to not think of the generous geography i’ve been given. those cutaways of fat and flesh, those with names i am just sloppily learning. where once stood an abandoned muscle is now the purposeful rectus abdominis. where fat, camper’s fascia. where emptiness, a physiologic peritoneal space with the utmost magical embryologic importance. a rotation, really. a … Continue reading

blue’s blue

dear dear, how strong you were. against the deadening of days, you continued. against the sadness inside, you swelled. i am somehow and somewhere against those two emotions now – in the same sorry situation you were in when you weren’t necessarily in your self. in fact, it is why i am emailing you despite the … Continue reading

The size of all things

Dear dear, This is how it ends. From the kitchen, there is a street light that is pulsing orange during the day. Many of the trees are bare, empty of their usual spring generosity. The street glows momentarily like a carrot stemming from the ground, and there is no one walking underneath, looking up, saying … Continue reading

How to isolate yourself

Dear dear, I have seen that beautiful life. Over these ten days, I have woken alongside the miracle of you, watched the light linger a little longer on the horizon of your back, held the fruit you shared with me like a lover’s chin, laughed at the jokes I couldn’t always understand but still found … Continue reading

A third way

Dear dear, I think of my life in two ways. On one side there is an immense tragedy of the unfulfilled, the deadening day where I watch myself sink into misery and depression, where I am cheated on, abused, and brutalized, where I am convinced I am nothing, and where there is mediocrity displaced greatly, … Continue reading