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Dear fellow essayers and onlookers, Prepare to be amazed. Wowed. Transfixed in one spot for months on end where your only sustenance is a form of jelly paste, where your mother has to provide the occasional “sanitary-napkin for you know what” and where even after the release from your catatonic state, you’re no better than … Continue reading

Fr-uitopia: The five step guide to creating world peace

In 2081, the world had finally reached universal peace. No longer was there any fast-food signs. Everyone was considered a celebrity. And of course, there were no wars or any form of division either. Everyone was considered a “POOPE-Y!”. The name came from the ingenious visionary, Sir Alfred Hubert “McSweaty” Pants, which meant a Previous-Obituary-Of-Planet-Earth-Yuck!. … Continue reading

Sewing the world together

The shores drew back and forth tirelessly on the beach front while the sun flickered down to a firefly’s strength. The wind was calm. The seagulls had long retreated from a day of terrorizing, pillaging and pooping. Their shrills had etched a permanent echo of triumphant white “splatters” all along the sand. Hot dog vendors … Continue reading

Regular asteroids

On March 11th, 1986, Jim and Sarah Truman began to die. They didn’t quite know it yet. So they woke up as they did every day. Jim said to his beautiful wife, “Another day, another dollar.” She smiled back. They dressed. They ate. They brushed their teeth in the exact same way that they had … Continue reading

Broken bones

Asphalt knows I’m thinking about you – your reflections glistening in the shards of broken glass, your hands caught in a fragment of cement, your smile lost in a pebble on the ground. The drink in my hand rumbles and groans, demanding to be refilled. People fill the pub from all sides and all walks … Continue reading

Life as I know it

“You need to live a little” I did. I remember doing it. It was fun. I stared for hours at one thing, not moving my eyes from a single point, trying to memorize the texture, consistency, curvature, and so much more. A silly brain like mine could never handle such a daunting task, so instead, … Continue reading

Killer Bees

The following was influenced by Buddy Wakefield. * I am going to squash a killer bee and watch the honey ooze out. Then I’m going pour the sweet nectar into the water of our love, hold my breath, dive in, and come out like a jellyfish. You may say that won’t help but I think … Continue reading

A blank page

Nothing is more vacuous than a blank page. Cavemen knew this. On walls glistening with the birth of creation, they feared the emptiness of a cavern. So they painted. Using animal hides as outstretched palettes, ruby blood as paints, and thoughts dripping with human ingenuity, cave walls became murals and history became an artwork. This … Continue reading

Lonely love letters lost in london

Have you never seen the sunlight stream over a dock; its waters too gentle to be disturbed and too indomitable that it could still sink a ship? Have you not put your ear to the sound of a human balloon and heard something more than hot air thumping? Lub dub. Lub dub. The echoes are … Continue reading