How to write an opinion

The following is a transition report I wrote to the next opinions editor of the Silhouette. God rest their soul.

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You don’t know me – ghost that I have become – and I most likely don’t know you. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person. That’s why you’re here after all. You’re smart. You’re funny. And your wit is about as sharp as it gets. Ouch – it just gave me a cut from all the way over here, however far apart that is and however much time has passed from then and now.

There will be times that you forget this, times where the brunt of day-to-day, week-to-week overwhelms you. This is inevitable. The suffocating avalanche of responsibility is the unspoken part of the job description. In fact, I’d say it is the job.

You’ll have to work through this with tight, balanced, and sound opinions articles. Unlike any position, this is necessary. If you fail, people will notice. If you are fallacious, the blunders will stick out like tumors.

But know that there are no chemotherapies, no written cures for the ailment you will undergo here at your time in the Sil. There is only the recognition that you are going to go through hell and in doing so, you will have the chance to write with all the pain, passion, and pleasure hell can create.

Of course, I don’t know much about you, so I can’t tell you which it’ll be. Most of the time, a blend between the three possibilities is desired. But you choose what you want to write about, and this ultimately decides how you’ll write it. I chose to write this like I do everything else – balancing gravity and gobbledygook with a whoopee cushion for an analytic balance. It’s sloppy. It’s a scatter. And it’s one opinions editor’s opinions article on how to write opinions.

I won’t tell you the nitty-gritty. This is an impossibility. Things will change and if I told you to partner with groups on campus, you’ll tell me that the MSU stopped being political and all groups were expunged and then you’ll write some opinion article about it all.

For no matter what I say, you’ll learn that everything that happens here can be reduced to write, write, and write in that order.

How? Ensure to research everything. Only from well-found research do fruitful questions blossom. Everything else is secondary. It all comes from your content, not the other way around.

Don’t worry about the buzzwords, the verbal pyrotechnics, and the like. They only distract from all the stuff inside the sandwich. And no one likes the chocolate artesian sides at any rate.

Next, say what you mean. If you don’t, then you have not said anything worth saying. This is all I’ll say of worth about this.

From there, find what you love, and let it pour through your veins until you burst. It should consume you. It should you destroy you. And each week, you spend time collecting the pieces of your ardor, and putting them into words on a page.

Then, balance the arguments. This is key. Unless you can argue otherwise, ensure to present both sides of the argument, and let the little shits see how stupid their opinion truly is by presenting it as fairly as possible, and then destroying it.

The rest, you’ll figure out for yourself. This includes the logistical issues of design, maintaining volunteers, and the works. What that means, only you’ll find out. It’s a lot. It’s a little. It’s your job now, and god damnit, do it well.

Fill these clown shoes I left you. Not with cement, unless, of course, that’s your purpose. In that case, fill ‘em up and swim.