older

if only things

could be different

you say

while doing the same things

like waiting for a simile

that makes everything make sense

to you again

like when you were eighty seven

and knew only death

in each breath and smile

like when you were sixty seven

with grandchildren at your feet

and telling them stories in one go

without a pause

lest they look away and see

how nice it is outside

like when you were thirty six

and the babies have finally stopped crying

like when you were twenty five

and you could do it all

if only someone gave you a chance

like when you were eighteen

and she was giving you a blowjob

and what more in this world was there

than that softness

like when you were nine

and warm inside

asking a girl if she liked liked you

like when you were three

and you were in an alleyway

with chocolate chip cookies

and trash

and your dad was hitting this woman

and you stood there eating

expecting your stomach to cease

its hunger or at least

let the cookies back up to show

the woman that some things

are just too sweet

but it doesn’t happen

and your dad comes back tired

and you are too

though you only ate

while he worked

and he tells you that you will

understand it all

when you’re older