Falling always

We are falling always

until

we land for good

 

I lose her

in small ways

that wouldn’t mean much

to anyone else

but that’s why I had her

and lost her too

 

We are falling always

until

we land for good

 

The garden’s jealous

of spring

for it is entrenched

in an eternal in between

of mud, mud, mud

that clings to more mud

and her

hands climbing bare knees

and feet that I’ve licked

on the night I got her

the white dress she is wearing

as an anniversary present –

or was it the wedding

 

We are falling always

until

we land for good

 

Forgetting is next

I think

but it is late

later than it should be

later than I remember

but I am faulting myself

for myself

for not being her

who faults me

for not being so different

after all

 

We are falling always

until

we land for good

 

She says she can’t keep can’ting

which she’s knows isn’t a word

and so makes it all the more difficult

to utter an absurdity that makes sense

for there are worse things

like trying to make reason of

where it exactly went wrong

besides for in the beginning

and probably before that too

 

We are falling always

until

we land for good

 

I’m holding onto empty pockets

while light gas moves

to fill the room

and

to tell me in shapes

I can’t recognize

that this is the end

and it is sorry

and don’t you have anything to say

which I try

but the oxygen has gone

to pass less important messages

to the corners and dust bunnies

that have been buried away

in a funeral no one attended

 

We are falling always

until

we land for good

 

It takes someone else

to take someone else away

from you and your hate

for them, everyone, yourself

for hating them, everyone, yourself

and then,

there is no one left to love

 

We are falling always

until

we land for good

 

You recycle

what you heard

from her

because it was all you heard

before this stranger turned stranger

and who will now

recycle what they heard

from you

so that one day

the whole world will be

a single, solid note

that knows

disappointment fully

 

We are falling always

until

we land for good