terminal

there was a death on the subway

though they made it to their stop

and saw a girl looking back at them

through the darkened glass

and he wondered if there was something on his face

and he remembered he didn’t eat all day

because he was told that it would be better

to lose weight

though he didn’t think himself fat

just not full

though he was a while back before the ride today

where the girl has gone to wherever it is

those people go

where he too will get going

for his eyes were made to steer forward

towards a condo clinging to loneliness

and a neighbor who yells horrible things

he cannot write down

for he is ashamed there is a language

for this

and his own cowardness against it

which will lead him to the next day

always the next one

like an oyster that knows there is always rock

as long as there is sea

or like a bird

who understands there must be sky

as long as there is that bird

who cries out to it and the subway that snakes

through the city that has had too many homes

but never enough spaces to leave to

for even the sky is clouded

and the sea is still

in places like him

even as he is starting again

telling himself that this is it

the time of reckoning and ruining and living again

where he will be him for him

though

maybe

the girl still looks

like shadows

of him

of all

of not enough