be loved / beloved

there you are

drinking because your father beat you

because he didn’t

because you are happy

because you are not

because you want to drink

because you don’t

and you’re thinking about the life

that could have been

if you had not been thinking about life so much

if you had only been more

if you got up right now and said to all

wake up wake up

if only you were not as tired as you were

now

and if you looked at them less like they look at you

and more like you look at you

unknown as a present to be unwrapped

warm as a horizon spilling pools of yellow

like when you were a little bit of infinity

found in a child yelling to an ocean

to give me more

give me your best

your largest wave

for i will ride

or i will dive

but i will i

and i cannot be put out

or

if only you were outputting more

at your work of present with children

who scream and shit and snooze

and dream silly impossible dreams

like to be a basketball player

though they are born to dwarfed simple parents

or to be a poet

though those are worthless nowadays

or to be a president the leader of the un an astronaut on the moon

though they are woman

and doesn’t that count them out already

if only you thought bigger

smaller

if only you tried more

less

if only you felt completely

incomplete

wondering if you are there

where you are there

fully

in the moment

or forked into too many paths

with too many extremes

and the whole stew of a middle

voiced invisibly like a lost thing

or love

you finish your round

you go home

you sleep

if only you didn’t