oranges

i was never

quite beautiful

which was the best thing

that happened to me

for i could find

the neglected beauty in everything else

like a tangerine peeled into an accidental love

of a woman i knew years ago

or the rain that muddied the city and my shoes

i just purchased

but that held me in a hug as i laid in it

only to get sick after

foolishly sick

gazing at the coughing ceiling

and noticing that there was a leak there

that stretched into a yawn a mouth

the house drooling and dreaming of the woods

again

and i closed my eyes

seeing nothing but me

and wanting to ask that woman

from when when was when

if all of us were blind

what would you look at first

*

not flying

not

grounded either

i remain

the shadow

but also the light