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i have unravelled into adulthood

as a spool of knots

like how i shouldn’t eat sweets

before dinner

though there is currently none in my

smiling fridge

that will one day need to be cleaned

after years of neglect and drinks spilling

onto the cold lifeless white

if only to offer a colour

or maybe taint the purity

that could reach the heavens

with dirty soiled roots in hell

that want to be enlightened

but not suffer the heaviness that comes with it

that is here too after being

rejected again from a job

in a message that says how

i am a good candidate

maybe the best

the dearest certainly

for dear applicant

dear candidate

dear comrade

the battle was was

and now is too

a competitive pool that holds

mostly the drowned

the few swimming atop the waves

of bodies like mine

saying hello

to those above birds whispering

to the wind to play with them

play with them all

before they sink

into the dark coldness

that even the fluttering fridge forgets

though my gutter of a stomach

doesn’t

as it bloats with sewage water

and more paper that was once

endless forests and green and

we are sorry

that we have chosen someone else

who is and remains full

put together

total

and totally

not you